The Book of Joy (2015) by Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and Douglas Abrams

Rating: 5/5

Last year, after a suddenly deep conversation, a new friend gifted me The Book of Joy. I’ve always treated book recommendations as whispers from God, so I read this one eagerly! The book chronicles Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s 5-day visit to the Dalai Lama’s home in 2015, and their discussions on how to live with joy in a world full of suffering.

The book’s 21 chapters are divided into 3 sections: The Nature of True Joy, The Obstacles to Joy (fear, anger, sadness, despair, loneliness, envy, suffering, illness), and The Eight Pillars of Joy (perspective, humility, humor, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, generosity). It feels like eavesdropping on a private conversation between two old pals who happen to be towering religious figures. The book is a quick read. But, I found myself ruminating for days on their seemingly simple advice and off-the-cuff stories.

Both men encourage expanding our perspective and orienting outwards towards others and away from self-absorption. The Dalai Lama advises to find 6 perspectives to every troubling situation. So much of our suffering is self-inflicted, which means joy can also come from within:

“Sadly, many of the things that undermine our joy and happiness we create ourselves… We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. It simply depends on the attitudes, the perspectives, and the reactions we bring to situations and to our relationships with other people.” – Dalai Lama

Think about that: how much are you the master of your own disaster?

I will keep this book as a reference for facing difficult emotions, situations and yes… people. I found the chapter on forgiveness particularly instructive. How can the Dalai Lama not be bitter towards Chinese hardliners who exile him and his people? How could the Archbishop push for reconciliation with human rights abusers during South Africa’s apartheid? One must separate actor and action. One can choose not to develop anger and hatred toward’s someone while opposing their actions… a daily muscle that must be trained.

For an interesting parallel read, try Bertrand Russel’s The Conquest of Happiness (1930), a philosopher’s attempt to find a “cure for ordinary day-to-day unhappiness from which most people from civilized countries suffer.”

Quotes

“People would like to be able to take a pill that makes their fear and anxiety go away and makes them immediately feel peaceful. This is impossible. One must develop the mind over time and cultivate mental immunity. Often people ask me for the quickest and best solution to a problem. Again, this is impossible. You can have quickest or you can have best solution, but not both. The best solution to our suffering is mental immunity, but it takes time to develop.” – Dalai Lama

“A healthy perspective really is the foundation of joy and happiness, because the way we see the world is the way we experience the world. Changing the way we see the world in turn changes the way we feel and the way we act, which changes the world itself. With our minds we create the world.”

“Forgiveness is the only way to heal ourselves and to be free of our past. Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound to the chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us, that person will hold the keys to our happiness, that person will be our jailor. When we forgive, we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberator.”