Dedicated

This is part of our Book Trainer series – training exercises for books. See the full collection here

Big Idea

“In dedication, we find timeless joy. It’s not the happiness of feeling good all the time, but the joy of feeling at home in existence.” – Pete Davis

Author

Pete Davis is a writer, civic advocate, and co-founder of the Democracy Policy Network. Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in an Age of Infinite Browsing, is based on his commencement speech at Harvard Law School that has been viewed over 30 million times.

My Story

I’ve worked as a digital nomad for nearly 15 years. The first few years of freedom were intoxicating, but then came the doubts. I felt alone on a path that few cared about or understood (this was before Covid and Zoom!). Soon, I tired of traveling and craved community – I would skip Phuket for the weekly basketball game in Saigon. 

Year by year, I was learning that the creativity, freedom, adventure and meaning I sought from solopreneuship came with costs: failure, anxiety, instability and loneliness. I still cherish the ability to control my days, but now seek a balance of optionality and commitment. I am not more happy, but have found more fulfillment from being a contributing member to groups close to my heart.

I found Dedicated useful because it gives precise language to describe this modern desire to keep our options open, to prefer the hallway with many doors over getting stuck in one room. 

The author proposes voluntary commitment as a way to combat the rootlessness of modern life. He promises more joy, impact and meaning to “long-haul heroes” who dedicate themselves to particular people, places, causes, communities, and institutions.

Reflecting on my last 15 years working remotely, I think he is right. I still crave the flexibility and novelty of nomadic life – what a time to be alive, when we can travel and work all around the world! – but those giddy moments seem short-lived. The people, communities, and causes I’ve committed to seem to provide a more lasting sense of joy, a more fulfilling feeling of “look at we did together.”

Exercise 1: Reflect on Your Commitments

Keeping your options open offers flexibility, authenticity and novelty, but beware of the costs:

Flexibility (leaving when you want to) often comes with Paralysis (too much choice and fear of missing out).

Authenticity (shedding false and unnecessary commitments) often comes with Anomie (life with no connection or expectations or standards).

Novelty (trying something new) often comes with Shallowness (missing the deep joy of sustained engagement)

It’s easy to only see the benefits of optionality and ignore the costs. I think understanding these dichotomies (flexibility — paralysis, authenticity — anomie, novelty — shallowness) help balance our view of optionality versus commitment.

Which areas of life do you need more optionality? More commitment?

What commitments have been worth it? Why?

When has optionality served you? Why?

Exercise 2: Lower the Stakes of Commitment 

Not all commitments have to be permanent.

“Commitments are relationships and relationships are living things, which are thriving or languishing. Living things sometimes die. In other words, commitments are dynamic, just like you are.” – Pete Davis

I love this: commitments are relationships.

Your commitment doesn’t have to last forever. In fact, it’s natural that your commitment will ebb and flow, and possibly end. So, don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Instead of being indecisive about commitment, why not commit for a certain time? Setting the terms of your commitment (i.e. what you’ll do and for how long) could help you see if it’s a relationship worth continuing.

Memorable Quotes from Dedicated

“The Polish philosopher Zygmunt Bauman has a great phrase for this [keeping our options open]: he calls it liquid modernity. We never want to commit to any one identity or place or community, so we remain – like liquid – in a state that can adapt to fit any future shape.”

“When you commit, you become a person in relationship to the world rather than someone just using it.”

“Heroism isn’t slaying the dragon, it’s showing up everyday. Real change and making and sustaining relationships with particular ideas, people, crafts and communities takes time.”

Last Thoughts

As we spend more time interacting with machines, how many of us will prefer clean and easy clicks over the messy chaos of others? Probably fewer of us.

The author admits commitment requires “hundreds of little reconciliations.” That’s the hard work, in this age where devices cater to your every desire. I think the future belongs to makers and doers who are willing to endure this emotional toll. 

The question I found myself asking after reading this book was:

Are you exploiting the world in service to self? Or exploiting the self in service of others?

Two ways to live. We need both.